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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Boxer
Warn
Boxers
Shorts
Underneath
Wearing
Clothes
Use

More quotes by Robert Orben

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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
Robert Orben
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Robert Orben