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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Warn
Boxers
Shorts
Underneath
Wearing
Clothes
Use
Boxer

More quotes by Robert Orben

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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
Robert Orben
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
Robert Orben
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
Robert Orben
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Robert Orben
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
Robert Orben
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
Robert Orben
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
Robert Orben
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
Robert Orben
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
Robert Orben
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
Robert Orben
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
Robert Orben
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben