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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Realizing
American
Tourists
Past
Foreigners
Home
Sixty
Able
French
Years
Drive
Travel
Realize

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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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