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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Travel
Realize
Realizing
American
Tourists
Past
Foreigners
Home
Sixty
Able
French
Years
Drive

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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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