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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Years
Drive
Travel
Realize
Realizing
American
Tourists
Past
Foreigners
Home
Sixty
Able
French

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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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