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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Education
Borrow
Books
Lincoln
Known
Walked
Form
Birthday
School
Schools
Book
Miles
Close
Modern
Rudimentary

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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