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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Book
Miles
Close
Modern
Rudimentary
Education
Borrow
Books
Lincoln
Known
Walked
Form
Birthday
School
Schools

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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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