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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Kids
Dollar
Today
Dollars
Certainly
Value
Modern
Asks
Five
Values

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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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