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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Unimportant
Raise
Raises
Amazing
Jobs
Important

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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