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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Wife
Called
Procrastinator
Year
Addressing
Fighting
Cards
Left
Christmas
Years
Finished
Terrible
Fight
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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