Quote

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Years
Finished
Terrible
Fight
Wife
Called
Procrastinator
Year
Addressing
Fighting
Cards
Left
Christmas

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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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