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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
First
Diet
Thing
Noticed
Diets
Temper
Health
Lose
Loses
Firsts

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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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