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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Thing
Noticed
Diets
Temper
Health
Lose
Loses
Firsts
First
Diet
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Individuality' is the key to success.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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