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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Diets
Temper
Health
Lose
Loses
Firsts
First
Diet
Thing
Noticed

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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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