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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Humorous
Tells
Lies
Wife
Age
Lying
Everyone
Never

More quotes by Robert Orben

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
Robert Orben
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
Robert Orben
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
Robert Orben
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
Robert Orben
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
Robert Orben
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
Robert Orben