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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Tells
Lies
Wife
Age
Lying
Everyone
Never
Humorous

More quotes by Robert Orben

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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
Robert Orben