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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Humorous
Tells
Lies
Wife
Age
Lying
Everyone
Never

More quotes by Robert Orben

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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
Robert Orben
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
Robert Orben
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
Robert Orben
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
Robert Orben
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Robert Orben
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
Robert Orben
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
Robert Orben
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
Robert Orben
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
Robert Orben
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Robert Orben
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Robert Orben
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
Robert Orben
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
Robert Orben
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben