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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Checks
Figure
Figures
Living
Ever
Bounces
Good
Bounce
Time
Bank
Check

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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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