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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Chairs
Beach
Wouldn
Write
Assembling
Writing
Alan
Instructions
Chair
Instruction
More quotes by Robert Orben
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Robert Orben
The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben
As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
Robert Orben
Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
Robert Orben
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Robert Orben
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben
Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
Robert Orben
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
Robert Orben
Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
Robert Orben
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
Robert Orben