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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Instructions
Chair
Instruction
Chairs
Beach
Wouldn
Write
Assembling
Writing
Alan

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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Individuality' is the key to success.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben