Quote

We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Supposed
Listening
Problems
Family
Adviser
Stories
Personally
Problem
Dirty
Take
Mets
Never
Somewhere

More quotes by Robert Orben

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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
Robert Orben
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
Robert Orben
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
Robert Orben
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
Robert Orben
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
Robert Orben
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Individuality' is the key to success.
Robert Orben
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
Robert Orben
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
Robert Orben
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
Robert Orben
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
Robert Orben
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Robert Orben
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
Robert Orben
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
Robert Orben
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
Robert Orben
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
Robert Orben
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
Robert Orben