Quote

We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Family
Adviser
Stories
Personally
Problem
Dirty
Take
Mets
Never
Somewhere
Supposed
Listening
Problems

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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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