Quote

We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Stories
Personally
Problem
Dirty
Take
Mets
Never
Somewhere
Supposed
Listening
Problems
Family
Adviser

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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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