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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Listening
Problems
Family
Adviser
Stories
Personally
Problem
Dirty
Take
Mets
Never
Somewhere
Supposed
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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