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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Pta
Assumed
Meetings
Name
Names
Family
Kids
Anything

More quotes by Robert Orben

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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
Robert Orben