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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Kids
Anything
Pta
Assumed
Meetings
Name
Names
Family

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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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