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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Toast
Toasts
Rust
Weapons
Peace
War
May

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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
Robert Orben