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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
War
May
Toast
Toasts
Rust
Weapons
Peace

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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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