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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Trying
Realizing
Mount
Years
Happen
Moses
Would
Alive
Published
Next
Commandments
Happens
Ten
Today
Eight
Back
Spend
Come
Realize
Sinai
More quotes by Robert Orben
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
Robert Orben
THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
Robert Orben
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
Robert Orben
Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
Robert Orben
As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
Robert Orben
All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
Robert Orben
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Robert Orben
The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
Robert Orben
It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
Robert Orben
Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
Robert Orben
A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
Robert Orben
Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
Robert Orben
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Robert Orben
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Robert Orben
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
Robert Orben
If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
Robert Orben
They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
Robert Orben