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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Next
Commandments
Happens
Ten
Today
Eight
Back
Spend
Come
Realize
Sinai
Trying
Realizing
Mount
Years
Happen
Moses
Would
Alive
Published

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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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