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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
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Parenthood
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Parenting
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More quotes by Robert Orben
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
Robert Orben
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Robert Orben
Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
Robert Orben
All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
Robert Orben
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
Robert Orben
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
Robert Orben
I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
Robert Orben
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
Robert Orben
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
Robert Orben
A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
Robert Orben
It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben
You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
Robert Orben
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
Robert Orben
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
Robert Orben
It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
Robert Orben