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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
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Parenthood
Children
Parenting
Way
Everywhere
Always
Funny
Kids

More quotes by Robert Orben

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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben