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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Cures
Shoulders
Cold
Successful
Common
Found
Salesman
Someone
Shoulder
Cure

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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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