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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Cures
Shoulders
Cold
Successful
Common
Found
Salesman
Someone
Shoulder
Cure

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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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