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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Cold
Successful
Common
Found
Salesman
Someone
Shoulder
Cure
Cures
Shoulders

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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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