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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Would
Moses
World
Carry
Problems
Two
Problem
Sinai
Today
Aspirin
Come
Tablets
Many
Mount

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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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