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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Problem
Sinai
Today
Aspirin
Come
Tablets
Many
Mount
Would
Moses
World
Carry
Problems
Two

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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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