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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
World
Carry
Problems
Two
Problem
Sinai
Today
Aspirin
Come
Tablets
Many
Mount
Would
Moses

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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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