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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Understand
Developing
Given
Companies
Think
Cooking
Thinking
Bread
Tasteless
Already
Onion
Food
Onions
Company
Culinary
Bigs
Vegetables
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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