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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Kinds
Already
Two
Going
Kind
Realists
World
Dreamers
People
Realist
Dreamer

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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
Robert Orben