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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Bust
Invested
Motor
Luck
General
Ever
Corporal
Motors

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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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