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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Corporal
Motors
Bust
Invested
Motor
Luck
General
Ever

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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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