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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Invested
Motor
Luck
General
Ever
Corporal
Motors
Bust

More quotes by Robert Orben

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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Individuality' is the key to success.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
Robert Orben