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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Parenting
Favor
Favors
Funny
Kids
Children

More quotes by Robert Orben

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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
Robert Orben
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
Robert Orben
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
Robert Orben
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
Robert Orben
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
Robert Orben
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
Robert Orben
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
Robert Orben
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
Robert Orben
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
Robert Orben
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
Robert Orben
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
Robert Orben
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
Robert Orben
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Robert Orben
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben