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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Parenting
Favor
Favors
Funny
Kids
Children

More quotes by Robert Orben

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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
Robert Orben
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
Robert Orben
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
Robert Orben
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
Robert Orben
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
Robert Orben
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
Robert Orben
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
Robert Orben
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
Robert Orben
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
Robert Orben
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
Robert Orben
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
Robert Orben
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
Robert Orben
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
Robert Orben
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
Robert Orben
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
Robert Orben
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
Robert Orben
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
Robert Orben