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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Children
Parenting
Favor
Favors
Funny
Kids

More quotes by Robert Orben

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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
Robert Orben
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For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
Robert Orben
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
Robert Orben
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
Robert Orben
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
Robert Orben
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
Robert Orben
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
Robert Orben
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
Robert Orben
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Robert Orben
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
Robert Orben
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
Robert Orben
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
Robert Orben
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
Robert Orben
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
Robert Orben
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
Robert Orben
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
Robert Orben
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
Robert Orben
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
Robert Orben