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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Kids
Children
Parenting
Favor
Favors
Funny

More quotes by Robert Orben

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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
Robert Orben
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
Robert Orben
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Individuality' is the key to success.
Robert Orben
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
Robert Orben
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
Robert Orben
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
Robert Orben
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
Robert Orben
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Robert Orben
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
Robert Orben
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
Robert Orben
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
Robert Orben
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
Robert Orben
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Robert Orben
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Robert Orben
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
Robert Orben
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
Robert Orben
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
Robert Orben
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben