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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Temptation
Touch
Motivational
Keep
Would
Like
People
Delivered

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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben