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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Politicians
Washington
Politician
Taxes
Place
Government
Way

More quotes by Robert Orben

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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
Robert Orben
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
Robert Orben
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
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Individuality' is the key to success.
Robert Orben
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
Robert Orben
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
Robert Orben
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
Robert Orben
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
Robert Orben
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
Robert Orben
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
Robert Orben