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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Work
Losers
Loser
Sunset
Humor
Takes
Days
Funny
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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