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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Humor
Takes
Days
Funny
Keep
Work
Losers
Loser
Sunset
More quotes by Robert Orben
Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
Robert Orben
Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
Robert Orben
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
Robert Orben
Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
Robert Orben
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Robert Orben
Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
Robert Orben
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
Robert Orben
I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
Robert Orben