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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Work
Losers
Loser
Sunset
Humor
Takes
Days
Funny
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
Robert Orben
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben