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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Funny
Keep
Work
Losers
Loser
Sunset
Humor
Takes
Days

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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Individuality' is the key to success.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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