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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Feeling
Feelings
True
Whole
Country
Neutral
Sometimes
Smaller
World
Countries
Deep

More quotes by Robert Orben

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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
Robert Orben
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
Robert Orben