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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Deep
Feeling
Feelings
True
Whole
Country
Neutral
Sometimes
Smaller
World
Countries

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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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