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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Family
Simpler
Father
Honored
Mother
Cards
Life
Majors
Major
Credit
Society
Rather

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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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