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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Food
Fitness
Funny
Birthday
Need
Witty
Needs
Humorous
People
Shouldn
Laughter
Older
Health
Preservatives

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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Individuality' is the key to success.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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