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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Health
Preservatives
Food
Fitness
Funny
Birthday
Need
Witty
Needs
Humorous
People
Shouldn
Laughter
Older

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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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