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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Health
Preservatives
Food
Fitness
Funny
Birthday
Need
Witty
Needs
Humorous
People
Shouldn
Laughter
Older

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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
Robert Orben