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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Health
Preservatives
Food
Fitness
Funny
Birthday
Need
Witty
Needs
Humorous
People
Shouldn
Laughter
Older

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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
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Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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