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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
People
Shouldn
Laughter
Older
Health
Preservatives
Food
Fitness
Funny
Birthday
Need
Witty
Needs
Humorous

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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
Robert Orben