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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Laughter
Older
Health
Preservatives
Food
Fitness
Funny
Birthday
Need
Witty
Needs
Humorous
People
Shouldn

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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.
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Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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